Knitting Anxiety

Well, this is how far I got before I had to stop deceiving myself:


The bolero was meant as an extra surprise for my grandmother who turned 90 two weeks ago. She was going to have the party of all parties, you know, the kind where even long lost relatives show up and all small family feuds are forgotten. Unfortunately a week before the big day she fell in her own home and broke her leg and had to undergo surgery. I knew she would like something to keep her arms and shoulders warm and thought it would be nice to give her a little extra surprise. But in the end I was being all too hasty making my decisions. First of all small needles and 4-ply yarn doesn’t make a fast knit. Then seeing my grandmother I realized she would like something more loose-fitting than the chosen pattern (Tara from Rowan Magazine 38). At least I know the colour is one of her favorites. So, now I’m making up my own thing:


It has been one of the most frustrating knitting experiences that I’ve ever had for a couple of reasons. First of all I really, really wanted to make my grandmother happy but it just wasn’t possible with the time available. Second, I still want it to be done as fast as possible but I cannot work on just one thing at a time and when I work on other things I feel so guilty. Most of all it’s fear of not making it in time. She’s not exactly dying but she’s 90, not eating very much and becoming more and more frail. She has had an iron health all of her life but now I’m beginning to feel that time is limited and living at the other side of country I’m dreading my phone more than ever. At least most of the family is close by and she has maintained her good sense of humor, always ready with a quick remark whenever one of my uncles gets too cheeky.


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